IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME BEDROOM
FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF JURISDICTION MAKERS

X

READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al.,  :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx :
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx :
particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :

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IN CHAMBERS TRANSCRIPT : NIGHT FOUR, ALL-DAY SESSION
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BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx
DATE x: September 17th, 2009 xxxxxxx
 Place : Bedroom No. 4, East Wing xxx 
xxxxxxx Judicial Weekend Retreatxxxx
Palmy Gardens Grovex
Honolulu xxxxxxxxxxx

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COUNSEL PRESENT:
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CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC
xx For - Plaintiffs
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RAY NASGON, ESQ 
xx For - Defendants

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NOU MENON, A2B, A2Z xxx
OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER

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THE COURT: Damn it but this had better be good.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honour, this is totally unacceptable!
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THE COURT: You're not kidding it isn't, is - is unacceptable to just
casually interrupt The Court in the middle of the night like this-
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honour-
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THE COURT: And one more Anglicised spelling of honor like that and it
will be the worse for you, Counsellor. Whaddayawant?
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor, I've only just been notified... I simply can't
believe they would circumvent the courts this way... I'm speechless.
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THE COURT: What? Circumwhat the who? Wait. Wait. No. Get off me, this
sounds important. Get off. Hold on, Mr. Knoetz.
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[THE COURT UTTERS VARIOUS OATHS UNDER HIS BREATH AS HE CLAMBERS ABOUT]
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THE COURT: And you can stop that right now, yes?
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MR. KNOETZ: I beg your pardon?
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THE COURT: I wasn't talking to you. Listen, Knoetz, what was that you
said about castration?
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MR. KNOETZ: No, sir, not castration. Circumvention. It has come to my
attention that, unbelievably, Dan Brown has gone ahead with his plans
to publish another fabricated novel. Two days ago.
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THE COURT: Oh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Despite the fact that this class action is far from over.
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THE COURT: Umm-huh.
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MR. KNOETZ: I mean, one could be forgiven for thinking that he didn't
even care that this was going on. Amazon are already discounting it!
The hardback's not even a fiver! Everybody's going to buy one!
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THE COURT: No, don't you dare - oooh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor?
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THE COURT: What- no- wait.
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MR. KNOETZ: What's going on?
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THE COURT: Nothing. Oh-overruled.
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MR. KNOETZ: It's a scandal! I want to know what you're going to do
about this travesty of justice! Clearly this is going to sway public
opinion around the globe, how can we expect a - what's that noise?
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THE COURT: You'll have to hang on, Mr. Knoetz. I've got another call
coming in - ah, it seems Mr. Nasgon is Skyping me on my iMac. Well,
Nasgon, we're all up now, so to speak. Mr. Knoetz is listening in,
I know all about it. What does your client have to say for himself?
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, thank you for seeing me - oh, you've got an
iMac too! With the built in camera? Yes! Let me just turn on...
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THE COURT: Er, that might not be such a good idea.
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MR. NASGON: There we go- ...what is that?
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MR. KNOETZ: What is what?
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MR. NASGON: It looks like a giant waxed elephant seal with a ball-gag
around its neck. Oh - oh my god.
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[COURT HEARS SOUND OF LOUD RETCHING]
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MR. KNOETZ: Can I hear typing?
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THE COURT: Yes, look, the court reporter is here too.
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MR. KNOETZ: What, all this is on the record?
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THE COURT: ...Jesus, put that thing away - no, get back here. Shit.
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MR. NASGON: Sweet Lord, is that baby oil? I hope it's baby oil. I just
hope it isn't sweat. Actually, I don't know what I hope any more.
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THE COURT: Oh, come now, we're all adults here. If you can't take the
heat, turn off the fucking camera.
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MR. NASGON: Yes - oh, thank god for that. Look, eugh, listen, I guess
you've heard that my client has published "The Lost Symbol", yes?
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THE COURT: Indeed we have, Mr. Nasgon.
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MR. NASGON: Well, we would like to move for an immediate mistrial.
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THE COURT: Interesting. Unexpected. Mr. Knoetz?
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MR. KNOETZ: That's preposterous! Your client is the one endangering
the course of justice. If anyone should call for a mistrial it's us.
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MR. NASGON: Oh, please-
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MR. KNOETZ: Nahh, hold your tongue. "But we're not going to", I was
going to say.
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MR. NASGON: Oh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor, I'm just asking for a little more time to get
to grips with this new scenario, assimilate any changes this will make
to how we approach the case in hand-
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MR. NASGON: You want to read it, don't you?
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MR. KNOETZ: No, actually, I don't. I've got far better things to do.
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MR. NASGON: Mmm-hmm, calling foul sexual deviants in the middle of the
night, it sounds like it, Very busy, I'm sure. Ve-ry bu-sy.
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THE COURT: Hah! Me fears the lady doest protesteth too muchly, eh? Eh?
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MR. NASGON: Quite, your Honor.
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MR. KNOETZ: Well, perhaps we could see what Missus "The Court" thinks
about all this, hmm? I take it that isn't her with the portable
typewriter and ginger beard. In the thong. In both the thongs.
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THE COURT: Ah, well. Of course, the Law must be properly served.
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MR. NASGON: I-
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THE COURT: Overruled, yes, definitely overruled. I think it's time we
called it a night, don't you? Yes, yes. I'll see you both in court,
gentlemen. Just let us all know when you're ready, Mr. Knoetz, okay?
x
MR. KNOETZ: Thank you, your Honor.
x
[COURT HEARS PHONE HANGING UP]
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MR. NASGON: Hang on. If he was on the phone, how did he know about the
leprechaun in the two thongs? Ark.
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[COURT HEARS SOUND OF DRY HEAVING, THEN A SKYPE CALL-END CHIME]
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THE COURT: Privacy at last! Put that damn thing down and come back
here, you saucy little minx - hang on. What did he just say?
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[IN CHAMBERS TRANSCRIPT ENDS]
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_______________________
Nou Menon, A2B, A2Z
Official Court Reporter

x

The foregoing certificalation of this tranyscript does not appley to any
reproduction by any means unless under the direct control and/or
supervision of the certifycating reporter.

All quotes are taken from the official Dan Brown website…

Chapter 327

He knew it would take some getting used to, but Robert Langdon-Magdalene was not a man to shirk a difficult task just because it was a heavy burden. All he could do now was search, search like he’d never searched before, and hope he still had time.

And then he found what he had been searching for.

He recognised the shape, the beautiful regularity of its arcing profile, hiding and yet revealed by the smooth edge of the velvet sheet draping it from sight at the back of the storeroom. He scrambled over the crates and cases, undignified in his excitement but uncaring, until he had it in his hands at least.

He gently, reverently, pulled the velvet cover away to unveil its sheening surface, feeling its shimmering trill hum beneath his fingertips. It almost took his breath away.

But there was no time for that now.

Langdon-Magdalene turned and ran.

He wove through the warren of corridors like a fish, that unseen maze hidden within that great structure, beneath those great sail-like things billowing at the Australian sky, reflected Orange on the harbour waters in the tangerine glow of the Sydney dusk. He broke through into that vast room, and the sound washed over him like the waves in the bay themselves – too late? No.

Robert reared back – and threw. Away, it spun, up, high over the heads of the stunned audience, out, out, towards the ranks of skilled artists bringing this awesome moment to its stunning conclusion. And – at the last moment – from the last line of the Orchestra, Sophie’s hand reached up to grasp it, and bring it sweeping down to strike its twin, again and again, in the crashing crescendo of the 1812 Overture – widely acknowledged by music experts the world over to be the greatest master-work of the composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.

As the massive crowd rose to their feet as one to applaud, and as Sophie’s brilliant smile flew out to him across them all, Robert Langdon-Magdalene fell to his knees, tears running down his cheeks in ecstasy.

The Lost Cymbal.

Found.

Wow. What a marathon of a chapter that is. But what an ending.

Dan Brown’s next there’s no word for it but blockbuster, The Lost Symbol, is shortly to hit the shelves. Brimming with anticipation? Not I. If you look in the right corners of the net, however, you’ll find that someone leaked the opening excerpt as quoted in the exclusive press release.

The Lost Symbol

a Robert Langdon novel
by Dan Brown

Chapter 1

Robert Langdon woke, finding himself in the bed in which he had gone to sleep in the night before. The duvet he had chosen to drape over his slumbering body was resplendent with a repeating stencil of Leonardo’s helicopter design, which was widely regarded amongst all the world’s leading aviation experts as years ahead of its time. On his pillow, the enigmatic smile of Princess Leia welcomed him to a day that would prove just as enigmatic as her smile.

In the shower, Langdon lathered and rinsed before stepping out and drying himself with a towel. He stared, lost in thought, at the watery suds spinning away downwards into the plughole.

Clockwise, he thought. Always clockwise.

Chapter 2

Langdon waited for the coffee in his Bialetti Moka Express to come to the boil, browsing the web on his Research In Motion brand hand-held pocket-sized wireless Blackberry device. 60 per cent of new Blackberry customers are from the consumer segment of the wireless device market. He attributes this to the company’s focus on continually enhancing the multi-functional capabilities and usability of the device.

Robert confidently expected his new literary agent, Ron W. Band, to be in touch soon about his new manuscript, but there was nothing in his email account inbox as yet, apart from numerous invitations to accept investment down payments from Nigerian princes. Langdon smiled ruefully and shook his head, feeling a deep humanitarian sympathy for anyone so lacking in the intuitive grasp of hidden meanings as to be drawn into such a manipulative spam scheme.

Langdon’s stomach rumbled. I’m hungry, he thought, and went to the cupboard to get some food, opening it. Inside, he realised he had eaten the last of his cereal the night before. All that was left was… of course.

Chapter 3

Langdon opened the tin of Alphabeti Spaghetti with the electric tin opener attached to the wall beside his cooker and tipped the tasty lexicon into a pan, lighting the hob beneath it in order to heat it before eating. The word lexicon typically referred to a dictionary, esp. one of an ancient language such as Greek or Hebrew – but this one was, apparently, in Latin.

As the first bubbles of tomato sauce began to form and burst, Langdon took an antique wooden spoon which he had been presented with for his outstanding contribution to recognition at the International Linguistics Discovery Foundation the previous summer and began to stir the characters in a gentle anti-clockwise motion. He stared at them, lost in thought – then he stopped, stunned, as though he couldn’t believe what his eyes were reading him. Then he looked up, stunned.

Oh my God, Robert Langdon thought.

I’m supposed to be in the Northern Hemisphere.

Chapter 4

Etc.