IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME OVER COURT FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF GLOBAL JURISDICTION
READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al., : xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx : particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x : xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :
TRAIL TRANSCRIPT : DAY TWO, MORNING SESSION X BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx DATE x: September 6th, 2009 xxxxxxxx Place : Courtroom No. 2, 9th Floor x Manila Building xxxx 228 Hazelnut Avenuex Volcano Headquarters
COUNSEL PRESENT: x CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC xx For - Plaintiffs X RAY NASGON, ESQ IGAN CHARLES CLEARLY-NOWTHER, ESQ WEGHAT D'VUNCK, ESQ xx For - Defendants
NOU MENON, ABC, USA xxx OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER
---------------------------------------------------------------------- THE COURT: Good morning everybody. Are we ready to get under way? x MR. NASGON: Your Honor, it's totally not fair that I not get a chance to say my opening statement properly, and that then he gets to be all rude about my client probably for ages before I get to do anything but object! I object, to this. x THE COURT: Well, it's your own silly fault on the first issue, if you can't avoid being tripped up by unexpected arrangements of sentences, like your own, you shouldn't be a lawyer. You are a lawyer aren't you? x MR. NASGON: Yes, your Honor. x THE COURT: Well then. How about you, Mr. Knoetz. You a lawyer? x MR. KNOETZ: I'm currently representing one. x THE COURT: Hah, there's a joke about that, isn't there? "The lawyer... The lawyer who has a lawyer for a client... isn't feeling himself!" Is that it? I'm not very good at jokes. More about the gravel, you know. x MR. KNOETZ: That's "Gaval", your Honor. x THE COURT: Think nothing of it. Anyway, as for the other thing... the Defense getting to go first. Mr. Nasgon, can you site precedence? x MR. NASGON: Why don't we set one? Er, "versus... Alabama". x THE COURT: Mmmmm... alright, off you go. x MR. NASGON: Your Honor, I'd like to call our first witness! x THE COURT: Witness? You've not even established a frame of reference! x MR. NASGON: Oh - he's not guilty! X THE COURT: Fine, whatever. X MR. NASGON: Defense calls its first witness. x [WITNESS #1 TAKES THE STAND AND IS SWORN IN] x MR. NASGON: Could you state your name and occupation for the record? x MORGAN-WITTS: Davina Morgan-Witts, owner of bookbrowse.com. X MR. NASGON: Davina, could you tell us your thoughts on Dan Brown, or his 2000 novel "Angels and Demons"? x MORGAN-WITTS: Certainly. The novel was "AMONGST THE BEST NOVELS I HAVE EVER READ. Angels and Demons is part thriller, part mystery, and all action. A highly entertaining, page-turning thriller." x THE COURT: There's no need to shout, thank you. x MR. NASGON: No further questions, your Honor. x THE COURT: What, that's it? Fine... Mr. Knoetz? x MR. KNOETZ: Er, no questions, your Honor. x THE COURT: Fine, I suppose. You may step down, Ms. Morgan-Witts. X [WITNESS STEPS DOWN] X MR. NASGON: Defense calls its second witness! X THE COURT: Another one? x [WITNESS #2 TAKES THE STAND AND IS SWORN IN.] X MR. KNOETZ: You look familiar. x MR. NASGON: Objection, actually! Not allowed to speak before I do! x THE COURT: Sustained, Mr. Knoetz. Put a sock in it until, alright? x MR. NASGON: Name and occupation. x PHUIT: My name is Hal Phuit, and I'm the- x THE COURT: You do look familiar, actually. x MR. KNOETZ: Weren't you on the jury list? x MR. NASGON: Objection! X THE COURT: Yes, that's right! Oh, well done! Overruled. x MR. NASGON: Fine. Mr. Phuit, would you give us your opinion on "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown. x PHUIT: My pleasure. I thought it "WELL PLOTTED AND EXPLOSIVELY PACED. Crammed with Vatican intrigue and hi-tech drama, Brown's tale is laced with twists and shocks that keep the reader wired right up until the final revelation. Packing the novel with sinister figures worthy of a Medici, Brown sets an explosive pace through a Michelin-perfect Rome." x THE COURT: Am I talking to myself or did I not just say "no shouting"? x MR. NASGON: Nothing further, your Honor. x THE COURT: ...You may go, Mr. Phuit. x [WITNESS LEAVES THE STAND] X MR. NASGON: The Defense calls its third witne- x THE COURT: Stop! That's enough of that. What the hell's going on here? x MR. NASGON: Your Honor? x THE COURT: You know damn well what I mean. What's with trotting all these people up here, having them spit out a single sentence, then shoving them off and doing the whole thing all over again? Eh? x MR. NASGON: Your Honor, I - I thought I made everything clear during the depositions. Our entire case rests solely on providing various character witnesses, universally reiterating the fact that Dan Brown is a writer and that his novels are in fact real and not artificial. I - that's - that's it, your Honor. That's, er... that's everything. x THE COURT: Really? Wow. So, how many more have you got? X MR. KNOETZ: Judging by the jury list, I'd guess at least twelve. X MR. NASGON: How many would you like, your Hon- x THE COURT: Less than twelve! X MR. NASGON: Oh. Well, how about... eight? x [THE COURT SIGHS HEAVILY] x THE COURT: Approach the bench. X [COUNSELS FOR PROSECUTION AND DEFENSE APPROACH THE BENCH] X THE COURT: Look. If he does the lot we're going to be here all night. I let him read in his list as Defense Evidence #1, you're not going to kick up a fuss, are you? You're not even questioning them yourself. x MR. KNOETZ: I suppose not. x MR. NASGON: Oh, thanks! Man, you don't know what this means to me. x MR. KNOETZ: It means "enjoy your big speech, because everything else you have to say from now on will be getting a one-word answer". x MR. NASGON: I object! x THE COURT: Overruled. Let's get this dealt with, gentlemen, okay? x [SESSION CONTINUES] x THE COURT: Oh, look at the time! Mr. Nasgon, your love in is going to have to wait until this afternoon, I feel a righteous hunger coming on and the law waits for no man. x [COURT IS ADJOURNED]----------------------------------------------------------------------
X_______________________ Nou Menon, ABC, USA Official Court Reporter
xThe foregoing certificalation of this transcript does not apply to any reproduction by any means unless under the direct control and/or supervision of the certifycating reporter.