IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME BEDROOM
FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF JURISDICTION MAKERS

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READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al.,  :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx :
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx :
particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :

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IN CHAMBERS TRANSCRIPT : NIGHT FOUR, ALL-DAY SESSION
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BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx
DATE x: September 17th, 2009 xxxxxxx
 Place : Bedroom No. 4, East Wing xxx 
xxxxxxx Judicial Weekend Retreatxxxx
Palmy Gardens Grovex
Honolulu xxxxxxxxxxx

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COUNSEL PRESENT:
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CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC
xx For - Plaintiffs
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RAY NASGON, ESQ 
xx For - Defendants

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NOU MENON, A2B, A2Z xxx
OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER

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THE COURT: Damn it but this had better be good.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honour, this is totally unacceptable!
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THE COURT: You're not kidding it isn't, is - is unacceptable to just
casually interrupt The Court in the middle of the night like this-
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honour-
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THE COURT: And one more Anglicised spelling of honor like that and it
will be the worse for you, Counsellor. Whaddayawant?
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor, I've only just been notified... I simply can't
believe they would circumvent the courts this way... I'm speechless.
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THE COURT: What? Circumwhat the who? Wait. Wait. No. Get off me, this
sounds important. Get off. Hold on, Mr. Knoetz.
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[THE COURT UTTERS VARIOUS OATHS UNDER HIS BREATH AS HE CLAMBERS ABOUT]
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THE COURT: And you can stop that right now, yes?
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MR. KNOETZ: I beg your pardon?
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THE COURT: I wasn't talking to you. Listen, Knoetz, what was that you
said about castration?
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MR. KNOETZ: No, sir, not castration. Circumvention. It has come to my
attention that, unbelievably, Dan Brown has gone ahead with his plans
to publish another fabricated novel. Two days ago.
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THE COURT: Oh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Despite the fact that this class action is far from over.
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THE COURT: Umm-huh.
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MR. KNOETZ: I mean, one could be forgiven for thinking that he didn't
even care that this was going on. Amazon are already discounting it!
The hardback's not even a fiver! Everybody's going to buy one!
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THE COURT: No, don't you dare - oooh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor?
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THE COURT: What- no- wait.
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MR. KNOETZ: What's going on?
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THE COURT: Nothing. Oh-overruled.
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MR. KNOETZ: It's a scandal! I want to know what you're going to do
about this travesty of justice! Clearly this is going to sway public
opinion around the globe, how can we expect a - what's that noise?
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THE COURT: You'll have to hang on, Mr. Knoetz. I've got another call
coming in - ah, it seems Mr. Nasgon is Skyping me on my iMac. Well,
Nasgon, we're all up now, so to speak. Mr. Knoetz is listening in,
I know all about it. What does your client have to say for himself?
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, thank you for seeing me - oh, you've got an
iMac too! With the built in camera? Yes! Let me just turn on...
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THE COURT: Er, that might not be such a good idea.
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MR. NASGON: There we go- ...what is that?
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MR. KNOETZ: What is what?
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MR. NASGON: It looks like a giant waxed elephant seal with a ball-gag
around its neck. Oh - oh my god.
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[COURT HEARS SOUND OF LOUD RETCHING]
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MR. KNOETZ: Can I hear typing?
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THE COURT: Yes, look, the court reporter is here too.
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MR. KNOETZ: What, all this is on the record?
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THE COURT: ...Jesus, put that thing away - no, get back here. Shit.
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MR. NASGON: Sweet Lord, is that baby oil? I hope it's baby oil. I just
hope it isn't sweat. Actually, I don't know what I hope any more.
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THE COURT: Oh, come now, we're all adults here. If you can't take the
heat, turn off the fucking camera.
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MR. NASGON: Yes - oh, thank god for that. Look, eugh, listen, I guess
you've heard that my client has published "The Lost Symbol", yes?
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THE COURT: Indeed we have, Mr. Nasgon.
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MR. NASGON: Well, we would like to move for an immediate mistrial.
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THE COURT: Interesting. Unexpected. Mr. Knoetz?
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MR. KNOETZ: That's preposterous! Your client is the one endangering
the course of justice. If anyone should call for a mistrial it's us.
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MR. NASGON: Oh, please-
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MR. KNOETZ: Nahh, hold your tongue. "But we're not going to", I was
going to say.
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MR. NASGON: Oh.
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor, I'm just asking for a little more time to get
to grips with this new scenario, assimilate any changes this will make
to how we approach the case in hand-
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MR. NASGON: You want to read it, don't you?
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MR. KNOETZ: No, actually, I don't. I've got far better things to do.
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MR. NASGON: Mmm-hmm, calling foul sexual deviants in the middle of the
night, it sounds like it, Very busy, I'm sure. Ve-ry bu-sy.
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THE COURT: Hah! Me fears the lady doest protesteth too muchly, eh? Eh?
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MR. NASGON: Quite, your Honor.
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MR. KNOETZ: Well, perhaps we could see what Missus "The Court" thinks
about all this, hmm? I take it that isn't her with the portable
typewriter and ginger beard. In the thong. In both the thongs.
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THE COURT: Ah, well. Of course, the Law must be properly served.
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MR. NASGON: I-
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THE COURT: Overruled, yes, definitely overruled. I think it's time we
called it a night, don't you? Yes, yes. I'll see you both in court,
gentlemen. Just let us all know when you're ready, Mr. Knoetz, okay?
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MR. KNOETZ: Thank you, your Honor.
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[COURT HEARS PHONE HANGING UP]
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MR. NASGON: Hang on. If he was on the phone, how did he know about the
leprechaun in the two thongs? Ark.
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[COURT HEARS SOUND OF DRY HEAVING, THEN A SKYPE CALL-END CHIME]
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THE COURT: Privacy at last! Put that damn thing down and come back
here, you saucy little minx - hang on. What did he just say?
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[IN CHAMBERS TRANSCRIPT ENDS]
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_______________________
Nou Menon, A2B, A2Z
Official Court Reporter

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The foregoing certificalation of this tranyscript does not appley to any
reproduction by any means unless under the direct control and/or
supervision of the certifycating reporter.

All quotes are taken from the official Dan Brown website…

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