IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME OVER COURT
FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF GLOBAL JURISDICTION

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READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al.,  :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx :
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx :
particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :

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TRAIL TRANSCRIPT : DAY TWO, MORNING SESSION
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BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx
DATE x: September 6th, 2009 xxxxxxxx
Place : Courtroom No. 2, 9th Floor x
Manila Building xxxx
228 Hazelnut Avenuex
Volcano Headquarters

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COUNSEL PRESENT:
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CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC
xx For - Plaintiffs
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RAY NASGON, ESQ
IGAN CHARLES CLEARLY-NOWTHER, ESQ
WEGHAT D'VUNCK, ESQ
xx For - Defendants

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NOU MENON, ABC, USA xxx
OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER

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THE COURT: Good morning everybody. Are we ready to get under way?
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, it's totally not fair that I not get a chance
to say my opening statement properly, and that then he gets to be all
rude about my client probably for ages before I get to do anything but
object! I object, to this.
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THE COURT: Well, it's your own silly fault on the first issue, if you
can't avoid being tripped up by unexpected arrangements of sentences,
like your own, you shouldn't be a lawyer. You are a lawyer aren't you?
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MR. NASGON: Yes, your Honor.
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THE COURT: Well then. How about you, Mr. Knoetz. You a lawyer?
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MR. KNOETZ: I'm currently representing one.
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THE COURT: Hah, there's a joke about that, isn't there? "The lawyer...
The lawyer who has a lawyer for a client... isn't feeling himself!" Is
that it? I'm not very good at jokes. More about the gravel, you know.
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MR. KNOETZ: That's "Gaval", your Honor.
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THE COURT: Think nothing of it. Anyway, as for the other thing... the
Defense getting to go first. Mr. Nasgon, can you site precedence?
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MR. NASGON: Why don't we set one? Er, "versus... Alabama".
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THE COURT: Mmmmm... alright, off you go.
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, I'd like to call our first witness!
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THE COURT: Witness? You've not even established a frame of reference!
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MR. NASGON: Oh - he's not guilty!
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THE COURT: Fine, whatever.
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MR. NASGON: Defense calls its first witness.
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[WITNESS #1 TAKES THE STAND AND IS SWORN IN]
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MR. NASGON: Could you state your name and occupation for the record?
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MORGAN-WITTS: Davina Morgan-Witts, owner of bookbrowse.com.
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MR. NASGON: Davina, could you tell us your thoughts on Dan Brown, or
his 2000 novel "Angels and Demons"?
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MORGAN-WITTS: Certainly. The novel was "AMONGST THE BEST NOVELS I HAVE
EVER READ. Angels and Demons is part thriller, part mystery, and all
action. A highly entertaining, page-turning thriller."
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THE COURT: There's no need to shout, thank you.
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MR. NASGON: No further questions, your Honor.
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THE COURT: What, that's it? Fine... Mr. Knoetz?
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MR. KNOETZ: Er, no questions, your Honor.
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THE COURT: Fine, I suppose. You may step down, Ms. Morgan-Witts.
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[WITNESS STEPS DOWN]
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MR. NASGON: Defense calls its second witness!
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THE COURT: Another one?
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[WITNESS #2 TAKES THE STAND AND IS SWORN IN.]
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MR. KNOETZ: You look familiar.
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MR. NASGON: Objection, actually! Not allowed to speak before I do!
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THE COURT: Sustained, Mr. Knoetz. Put a sock in it until, alright?
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MR. NASGON: Name and occupation.
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PHUIT: My name is Hal Phuit, and I'm the-
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THE COURT: You do look familiar, actually.
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MR. KNOETZ: Weren't you on the jury list?
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MR. NASGON: Objection!
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THE COURT: Yes, that's right! Oh, well done! Overruled.
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MR. NASGON: Fine. Mr. Phuit, would you give us your opinion on "Angels
and Demons" by Dan Brown.
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PHUIT: My pleasure. I thought it "WELL PLOTTED AND EXPLOSIVELY PACED.
Crammed with Vatican intrigue and hi-tech drama, Brown's tale is laced
with twists and shocks that keep the reader wired right up until the
final revelation. Packing the novel with sinister figures worthy of a
Medici, Brown sets an explosive pace through a Michelin-perfect Rome."
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THE COURT: Am I talking to myself or did I not just say "no shouting"?
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MR. NASGON: Nothing further, your Honor.
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THE COURT: ...You may go, Mr. Phuit.
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[WITNESS LEAVES THE STAND]
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MR. NASGON: The Defense calls its third witne-
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THE COURT: Stop! That's enough of that. What the hell's going on here?
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor?
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THE COURT: You know damn well what I mean. What's with trotting all
these people up here, having them spit out a single sentence, then
shoving them off and doing the whole thing all over again? Eh?
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, I - I thought I made everything clear during
the depositions. Our entire case rests solely on providing various
character witnesses, universally reiterating the fact that Dan Brown
is a writer and that his novels are in fact real and not artificial.
I - that's - that's it, your Honor. That's, er... that's everything.
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THE COURT: Really? Wow. So, how many more have you got?
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MR. KNOETZ: Judging by the jury list, I'd guess at least twelve.
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MR. NASGON: How many would you like, your Hon-
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THE COURT: Less than twelve!
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MR. NASGON: Oh. Well, how about... eight?
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[THE COURT SIGHS HEAVILY]
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THE COURT: Approach the bench.
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[COUNSELS FOR PROSECUTION AND DEFENSE APPROACH THE BENCH]
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THE COURT: Look. If he does the lot we're going to be here all night.
I let him read in his list as Defense Evidence #1, you're not going to
kick up a fuss, are you? You're not even questioning them yourself.
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MR. KNOETZ: I suppose not.
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MR. NASGON: Oh, thanks! Man, you don't know what this means to me.
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MR. KNOETZ: It means "enjoy your big speech, because everything else
you have to say from now on will be getting a one-word answer".
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MR. NASGON: I object!
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THE COURT: Overruled. Let's get this dealt with, gentlemen, okay?
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[SESSION CONTINUES]
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THE COURT: Oh, look at the time! Mr. Nasgon, your love in is going to
have to wait until this afternoon, I feel a righteous hunger coming on
and the law waits for no man.
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[COURT IS ADJOURNED]
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_______________________
Nou Menon, ABC, USA 
Official Court Reporter

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The foregoing certificalation of this transcript does not apply to any
reproduction by any means unless under the direct control and/or
supervision of the certifycating reporter.

All quotes are taken from the official Dan Brown website…

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THE COURT: Witness? You've not even established a frame of reference!
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MR. NASGON: Oh - he's not guilty! Defense calls Davina Morgan-Witts,
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