IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME OVER COURT
FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF GLOBAL JURISDICTION

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READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al.xxx:
xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx :
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :
DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx :
particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :

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PRE-TRAIL TRANSCRIPT : JURY SELECTION
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BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx
DATE x: September 1st, 2009 xxxxxxxx
Place : Courtroom No. 2, 9th Floor x
Manila Building xxxx
228 Hazelnut Avenuex
Volcano Headquarters

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COUNSEL PRESENT:
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CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC
xx For - Plaintiffs
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RAY NASGON, ESQ
IGAN CHARLES CLEARLY-NOWTHER, ESQ
WEGHAT D'VUNCK, ESQ
xx For - Defendants

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NOU MENON, ABC, 123 xxx
OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER

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THE COURT: Well, it's taken us some good years to finally start this
thing so I'd like to try and get down to action as soon as possible.
I expect to make my name with a landmark ruling on this, so if we
could be finished before "The Lost Symbol" hits the shelves I'd be
one damned happy man.
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MR. NASGON: So would we, your Honor.
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MR. KNOETZ: Just so long as you have your black cloth with you.
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THE COURT: Let's not try second guessing my big moment, thank you.
Besides, I don't think we even do that in this country.
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MR. KNOETZ: Of course, your Honour. My apologies.
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THE COURT: And by the way, Mr. Knoetz, this is America, so if you
don't want to be found in contempt before proceedings get under way
you'd better lose that English English spelling habit. It makes me
feel like you're undermining my linguistic authority.
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MR. KNOETZ: Yes, your Honor.
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THE COURT: That's better. Now, we're going to need twelve peers for
Mr. Brown if we're ever going to bring this to a satisfactory close.
Shall we bring out the first jury?
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[PROSPECTIVE JURY MEMBERS ARE SEATED]
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MR. NASGON: Your Honor, we have absolutely no objection to any of
these Jury candidates and move that they be sworn in wholesale.
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THE COURT: Mr. Knoetz, do you have any objections?
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MR. KNOETZ: I wouldn't mind asking a few questions first your Honor.
Provisional #1, could you state your name and occupation please?
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Provisional #1: My name is Hal Phuit. I'm a literary reviewer for
Publishers Weekly.
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MR. KNOETZ: I see. And have you ever read or reviewed the alleged
novel "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown?
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[COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANTS APPEAR TO SHAKE HEADS SURREPTITIOUSLY]
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PROVISIONAL #1: I... er... In fact, I believe... I may have, yes.
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THE COURT: Oh, I say. That's an unfortunate coincidence.
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MR. KNOETZ: Isn't it. Provisional #2?
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PROVISIONAL #2: Er...
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MR. KNOETZ: Name and occupation, please.
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PROVISIONAL #2: Stew Perdidd-Yott. With the San Francisco Chronicle.
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MR. KNOETZ: Book reviews, by any chance? "Angels and Demons"?
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PROVISIONAL #2: Er... yes.
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MR. KNOETZ: Like it much?
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[ENTIRE JURY APPEAR TO SHUFFLE IN THEIR SEATS UNCOMFORTABLY]
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MR. KNOETZ: Your Honor, looking at this list it rather appears as if,
by that astonishing coincidence you mentioned yourself, every single
one of these twelve men and women are in some way connected to the
reviewing of popular literature and, further, have all written rather
glowing reports on "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown.
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THE COURT: Well, that's quite a turn up, don't you agree, Mr. Nasgon?
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MR. NASGON: ...quite.
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MR. KNOETZ: If it please the court, I'd like to move that we chose
jury members from a Shakespearean Simian Infinitude. If it would take
an infinite number of monkeys the total duration of the universe to
write the complete works of Shakespeare, twelve of them should be able
to rattle off a single Dan Brown before the end of the month.
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THE COURT: That's some damn fine reasoning, Counsellor. Motion passed.
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MR. NASGON: Objection!
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THE COURT: Overruled. Jury will henceforth be selected at random from
a representative population of all monkeys from the infinite design
space - for the sake of philosophical convenience, let's say whichever
ones are currently residing in the nearest zoo - and be appropriately
prepared for trial via the provision of diapers, etc. Court will be
adjourned until... the next scheduled date, for opening statements.
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[COURT IS ADJOURNED]
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_______________________
Nou Menon, ABC, 123 
Official Court Reporter

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The foregoing certification of this transcript does not apply to any
reproduction by any means unless under the direct control and/or
supervision of the certifying reporter.
ddxxxxxxxxxxxx
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