IN THE UNITED STATES SPECIAL SUPREME OVER COURT
FOR THE FINAL SATISFACTION OF GLOBAL JURISDICTION
READERSHIP OF THE WORLD, et al., :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Plaintiffs xxxxxxxxx :
vs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : CASE NO: ZZ9-PLRL-Z-LPH
DAN BROWN, et al. his novels, xxx :
particularly ANGELS AND DEMONS, x :
xxxxxxxxxxxx Defendants xxxxxxxxx :
TRAIL TRANSCRIPT : DAY SEVENTY-ONE, MORNING SESSION
BEFORE: HONORABLE HOPHGUD TAYSTE xxx
DATE x: December 5th, 2009 xxxxxxxxx
Place : Courtroom No. 2, 9th Floor x
Manila Building xxxx
228 Hazelnut Avenuex
CLIFF KNOETZ, DVLS ADVC
xx For - Plaintiffs
RAY NASGON, ESQ
IGAN CHARLES CLEARLY-NOWTHER, ESQ
WEGHAT D'VUNCK, ESQ
xx For - Defendants
xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX NOU MENON, ANY, ONE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX OFFICIAL COURT REPORTER
THE COURT: I know this is going to be a very difficult, even painfully
challenging experience for us all, but I'm afraid there are procedures
which must be followed in court. Mr. Knoetz, you failed to correctly
read in your first piece of evidence yesterday. You can't go blurting
out quotes in a state of desperation. Things will degenerate into a
farce. I am striking Prosecution Evidence #1 from the record, and I
advise the jury to disregard it when the time comes to deliberate.
[JURY THROWS ITS COLLECTIVE FAECES IN A STATE OF OVER-EXCITEMENT]
THE COURT: I guess that means you'll have to forget about any failures
of characterization regarding the protagonist, Robert Langdon, yes?
MR. KNOETZ: In fact, your honor, I feel we will be able to satisfy the
court on that count, repeatedly. In fact, as detailing every example of
poor characterisation would render this courtcase interminable, I will
restrict this evidence to moments of first encounter with characters.
THE COURT: This case already seems to have gone on far too long, but I
suyppose the less reading I have to do the better. Continue.
MR. KNOETZ: Then with your permission I will read the following into
the record as Prosecution Evidence #2, regarding Vittoria Vetra, who
is the main female character of the accused document.
[PROSECUTION EVIDENCE #2]
Decending from the chopper in her khaki shorts and white sleeveless
top, Vittoria Vetra looked nothing like the bookish physicist he had
expected. Lithe and graceful, she was tall with chestnut skin and
long black hair that swirled in the back wind of the rotors. Her face
was unmistakably Italian - not overly beautiful, but possessing full,
earthy features that even at twenty yards seemed to exude a raw
sensuality. As the air currents buffetted her body, her clothes clung,
accentuating her slender torso and small breasts.
Langdon watched Vittoria approach. She had obviously been crying, her
deep sable eyes filled with emotions Langdon could not place. Still,
she moved towards them with fire and command. Her limbs were strong
and toned, radiating the healthy luminescence of Mediterranean flesh
that had enjoyed long hours in the sun.
[ANGELS AND DEMONS, PAGES 69-70]
MR.KNOETZ: As is clear, Mr. Brown is pitifully out of his depth when
required to present a female character as other than typical of hotel
room soft-core pornography. It should be noted that the "chopper"
which she dismounts in the first paragraph was a helicopter.
THE COURT: As opposed to a motorcycle, understood.
MR. KNOETZ: Er... yes. In any case, in Brown's pseudo-fiction a woman
seems to be chiefly characterised by her sexual qualities and/or
appearence. When expressing emotions Brown immediately struggles and
only attempts to do so via the mask of third-person interpretation,
deflecting his shocking lack of human empathy onto the character of
Langdon, who is unable to decipher the emotions active in the close
relative of a murder victim who has recently been weeping.
THE COURT: Disturbing.
MR. KNOETZ: Very. More so because, as is clear in The Da Vinci Code,
Robert Langdon seems to show a rather predatory sexual interest in
young women mourning the violent loss of a father-figure. But Langdon
connot be held responsible for Brown's choice of descriptors. I draw
attention to the phrase "she moved towards them with fire and command",
shortly after we are told she has two black eyes, and invite the Court
to speculate about what the hell Brown thinks he's talking about.
MR. NASGUN: Objection!
THE COURT: Objectionable, certainly. Is that it, Mr. Knoetz?
MR. KNOETZ: Hardly. If I may introduce Prosecution Evidence #3,
describing central character Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca?
[PROSECUTION EVIDENCE #3]
He looked to be in his late-thirties, indeed a child by Vatican
standards. He had a surprisingly handsome face, a swirl of course
brown hair, and almost radient green eyes that shone as if they
were somehow fueled by the mysteries of the universe.
[ANGELS AND DEMONS, PAGE 170]
THE COURT: Radiant eyes, luminescent thighs - strong theme of
radioactivity in this thing, is there?
MR. KNOETZ: Inasmuch as there are any strong themes, sir. However,
when required to describe strength itself as a characteristic Brown
has a tendency to go "a little overboard". Like Robert Maxwell.
[PROSECUTION EVIDENCE #4]
When the commander finally clicked off his phone and approached
across the room, he seemed to grow with each step. Langdon was tall
himself and not used to looking up at many people, but Commander
Olivetti demanded it. Langdon sensed immediately that the commander
was a man who had weathered tempests, his face hale and steeled.
His dark hair was cropped in a military buzz cut, and his eyes
burned with the kind of hardened determination only attainable
through years of intense training. He moved with ramrod exactness...
[ANGELS AND DEMONS, PAGE 153]
THE COURT: I'm afraid that reference doesn't really carry to a non-
English audience, Mr. Knoetz.
MR. KNOETZ: I apologise, your Honor - but Brown's clumsily excessive
descriptors are surely evident here: hale, steeled, hardened; ramrod
exactness, whatever that might signify. If this was any thicker, he
wouldn't be able to pour it on at all. Not to mention that he seems
unclear on the functioning of perspective.
THE COURT: Where are you going with this, Mr. Knoetz?
MR. KNOETZ: Just establishing that, when presenting any alleged
character, Brown demonstrates limitations inconsistant with "good
writing". Specifically, he shows a worrying reliance on anatomy:
[PROSECUTION EVIDENCE #5]
Langdon noted a man in a wheelchair exiting the building. He looked
to be in his early sixties. Gaunt and totally bald with a sternly
set jaw, he wore a white lab coat and dress shoes propped firmly on
the wheelchair's footrest. Even at a distance his eyes looked
lifeless - like two gray stones.
[ANGELS AND DEMONS, PAGE 36]
MR. KNOETZ: In fact, your Honor, you might say that my main point
of criticism here is in the character-eyes-ation. Hem hem.
MR. NASGUN: Ob-jection!
THE COURT: Sus-tained, my God. Consider yourself held in contempt,
Mr. Knoetz. Any more punmenship like that and it won't matter if I
find for the prosecution or not, you'll never be found again. Think
you can give us anything that doesn't hinge totally on looks?
MR. KNOETZ: Just one, your Honor.
[PROSECUTION EVIDENCE #6]
Captain Rocher stepped forward in his red beret. Vittoria thought he
looked more human somehow than the other guards - stern but not so
rigid. Rocher's voice was emotional and crystalline, like a violin.
[ANGELS AND DEMONS, PAGE 347]
MR. KNOETZ: A crystal violin, presumably.
THE COURT: Good grief. I suppose you rest your case, then?
MR. KNOETZ: Far from it, your Honor.
THE COURT: Pity. Well I at least need a break. Reconvene after a
suitable recovery period, shall we?
[COURT IS ADJOURNED]
Nou Menon, ANY, ONE
Official Court Reporter
The foregoing certificalation of this tranyscript does not appley to any
reproduction by any means useless under the dialect control hand/eye
supervision of the certifycating reporter.